May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
