He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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