Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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