He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
