You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
