I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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