I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
