I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
