mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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