I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
