It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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