Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
