I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
