If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
