I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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