Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
