I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
