he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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