I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
