So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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