Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
