She's JV to your varsity
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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