this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
