i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
