Are we in a gay sports bar?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
