Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
