I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Quick, to the slutcave!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
