I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
