I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
