I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
