Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
