he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
