Don't make out with my wife yet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
