What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
