Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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