This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She told me I should be a condom model.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
