Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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