there was a trapeze. enough said
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
