Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
