yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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