Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
