you guys were way drunker than both of me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
