accomplished twins. life is a go
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
