I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
