So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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