i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
