I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I skipped work to stalk him.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
