can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
