mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
