Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
