She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
