Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
