I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
